Okay, topic. Topic, topic, topic... Curse my poor short-term memory...
Ah. I remember now. All going back to a conversation I've been carrying on with another blogger involved in this sort of situation.
I don't know how to lead into this, so I'll just go with 'blunt' and 'too the point': I have a girlfriend.
What does this have to do with anything? Well, as I've seen in numerous places, Runners don't typically keep people around that could be used to hurt them. As I've been warned, too many times has a cocky, headstrong Runner been reduced to a blubbering mess because his/her significant other was killed, mutilated, maimed, turned, or caused to disappear while they could do nothing to stop it. Zeke Strahm lost Lizzie, Zero lost Nessa, and so on (not very genre-savvy as to the last blog, so I'm not sure if that's at all accurate to say).
A lot of the more intelligent Runners would say that the best thing to do would be break it off and actually start running before something very, very bad happens. Well, I won't. Why? As stupid as it sounds, I had to go through hell and back again to finally establish (actually, re-establish) a relationship with this girl, and on top of that, I'm not planning on running anytime soon.
I'll handle the 'girlfriend' part first. Basically, we've been romantically linked three times, this being the third. Yes, that means I've broken it off twice. And this is part where you start to hate me: both times was over another girl. The same girl, actually. Before you ask, yes, I do consider myself a monster for this. I'm no stranger to self-loathing, and I doubt I'll ever get over what an ass I've been. I told you here: I'm no White Knight. This is why. I'm more akin to a Dark Knight, though one who's more content to flee than fight. Some day, I might be able to climb Mt. Ordeals and become a Paladin, but for now, I'm stuck in my role. Last note: the other girl will no longer be a problem, and I've pulled my head out of my ass enough to know how I feel and who I feel it about. Probably not the first time a guy my age has said that, but I'm running on 90% certainty, here, as opposed to the 80% certainty with which I've handled mostly everything else in my life.
Now for the 'not running soon' part. This is probably more idiotic than re-establishing a relationship with someone you've already hurt twice, but it's how I'm doing things: I'm sticking around to graduate high school. Then I'm attending college. Both very stationary activities which will leave me pretty vulnerable to Proxies and the big guy himself, but I'm making a change and actually planning ahead for something more than five days away. If (and it's a very big 'if') we one day get rid of this Eldritch Abomination, and the world is saved, well, I'll still have to get a job, preferably one I like. To do so, I'll need a college degree. Even as a writer (my hopeful future, provided I survive), I'll need as much experience and education on the writing front as I can get.
Hell, who knows. Maybe, when it's all over, I can bring together all the struggles against the Slender Man, and his demise, into a big collective biography. Imagine bouncing your kid on your knee, pointing to an old alias of yours (in my case, [Moral]) in a large volume, and saying "That was me, -insertnamehere-. I lived this. I fought him. I helped save the world."
...or the book will backfire, summon Slendy back from his grave, and fuck us all over again.
On second thought, I'll stick to writing trashy zombie romances. But hey, it was a thought.
So there you have it. Throwing my biggest weakness out there for the rest of the world to see. Incredibly stupid move, no? Unless of course I have some sort of contingency plan. Some sort of fool-proof
-delay as I rush home from school to continue writing this on my laptop-
plot that will keep her safe, even though I'm trumpeting to Blogger, a very public medium, that I have this weakness just waiting to be exploited. An idiot I may be, but to quote a Dilbert strip: "There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot." I like to think I'm fairly resourceful. Not insane, sadly, as that seems to help make every plan work without a hitch, but resourceful and stupid enough to make a stupid plan work, or a stupid defense soli-
Nausea. He's nearby. I have to go.